Thursday
July 25, 2002
By
Timmy Smith, Las Cruces Herald Staff
Writer
Dallas, Texas – Scientists working for
the Texas Institute of Behavioral Studies (TIBS) have concluded that a belief,
widely held among many males and widely disregarded by most females, is in fact
true. All good-looking men are
homosexuals.
The
head of TIBS, Dr. William Roberts, stated that he decided to commission the
study after attending the movie Spy Game with
his wife Betty. Said Roberts, “I told
Betty that Brad Pitt and Robert Redford (the stars of Spy Game) both seemed gay and she said that I thought all
good-looking men were gay. It was then
that I realized that she might be on to something.”
According
to Roberts, the study required two months and many hundreds of dollars to
complete. On eight consecutive
Saturdays, questionnaires were distributed to patrons of Bubba Joe’s Bar. The
patrons were shown pictures of various men and asked to decide whether the
pictured men were homosexual or heterosexual.
In all cases, the good-looking men were identified as homosexual, thus
proving the assertion that all good-looking men are gay.
Roberts
cautioned that this does not mean that all ugly men are heterosexual. He cited Truman Capote and Elton John as
counter-examples.